He’s Just Not That Into You
February 4th 2009 04:06
The guy that you’ve been sleeping with for the last few weeks freaks out when you mention the word “boyfriend”.
Your partner puts you down when you’re with your friends but he’s oh-so-sweet when you’re alone with him.
You think he’s sending mixed messages.
He’s not.
If he’s into you, he’d have called you the very next day like he said he would.
If he’s into you, he’d want to be your boyfriend and not just use you for sex.
If he’s into you, the jerk wouldn’t publicly humiliate you.
That’s what Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo have said in their book.
So they’ve worked on Sex and the City, and their book became a huge success after it was first published in 2004 (it probably didn’t hurt that Oprah loved it), and a movie based on their book is out this month – it doesn’t automatically make them experts on relationships. In fact, Greg thinks that it is hilarious people would think that.
What makes the book worth reading is that it is frank, funny and anyone who has ever dated will be able to relate to it. The aim of the book is to steer women toward happy and healthy relationships. It advises women not to obsess so much about men and to have a good think about their own needs and standards for relationships.
There are some ideas in the book that some people will find and I’m sure, have found difficult to digest. Greg’s opinions on relationships are black and white.
For instance, Greg insists that a woman should never ask a man out because men enjoy pursuing women. They like not knowing if they will catch the woman and feel rewarded when they do.
So women are supposed to seek equality in everything but make this one exception?
Greg also says he doesn’t think a woman should be in a relationship just because she’s afraid of being alone. I agree and I have been called unrealistic, a romantic and have been given annoying looks that say “I don’t believe you because I can’t stand being alone so you must be lying!”
It does not make sense that the only reason a woman is staying in an unhappy relationship is because she is scared of being lonely! Greg says that by doing so, a woman is making sure she will never be in a happy relationship.
Liz responds to Greg’s beliefs as she does through out the book with what readers might also be thinking – that Greg’s standards are impossibly high. But she ultimately backs her friend, saying that if every woman insisted that men kept their words, treated them with respect and gave them an “appropriate amount of love and affection”, there would be a lot more “better-behaved men in the world.”
Later editions contain two bonus chapters. One chapter deals with life after He’s Just Not That Into You which discusses things like loneliness and temptations to regress and comes with a recommendation from Liz to read after some time has passed after the initial reading of the preceding chapters. The remaining chapter contains frequently asked questions mostly answered by Greg in his usual entertaining fashion.
Though there are relationships that are so complicated no book can help untangle, those of us who are still waiting for that damn call from the guy at the party should stop willing the phone to ring and consider this advice from Greg:
“Don’t waste the pretty.”
He’s Just Not That Into You: the no-excuse truth to understanding guys
by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo
First published by Simon & Schuster, 2004, 2006
HarperElement, 2007 (cover shown)
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Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by The Rusty Can
Everything
I think it is worth reading - the authors seemed sincere enough and they are pretty funny. But I'm not sure what guys would think of the book... I can't think of a guy friend who would be particularly thrilled if I recommended a self-help relationship book to them...
Comment by Lilla
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What I like about this book is the *self evident* truth. You know the truth of the pudding is in the eating, Duh~!
As a counsellor I spend a lot of time trying to bring women (and men) around to the fact that *such and such* isnt into them *in that way.* I never cease to be amazed by some peoples inability to let go and let God, where love is concerned. No wonder there is so much divorce in the world (not that I advocate arranged marriage) ... still, I highly look forward to the anticipated movie realease ~ mainly because I like the cast and think they will do this read justice.
Something a lot of women dont seem to realise is that as the women get older, the men do too, and not all of them want young bunnies, some actually want intelligent conversation and companionship.
Have you read Jane Austen's Guide to Dating by Lauren Henderson? It was the only other book on this subject I felt ws worthy of my time .. and it too, was very funny, offering some very sound advice.
Great Post.
Lilla
Comment by The Rusty Can
Everything
I saw the movie on the weekend - it wasn't spectacular, but it was enjoyable to watch. The cast did a good job and I had a few laughs.
I haven't heard of Jane Austen's Guide to Dating. It sounds like a fun read - another book to had to my growing reading list!