The Va Dinci Cod
June 23rd 2009 07:42
THE CHATHOLIC CURCH HAD ME MURDERED!
This is a far cry from the anagram, “O, Draconian devil! Oh, lame saint!”, but this is a parody of The Da Vinci Code after all. Though to be accurate, Angels and Demons doesn’t escape the fun either – the Hassassin is channelled through The Exterminator character:
The Exterminator stepped out into the clear night air. He had enjoyed himself at the brothel as only a man who had successfully completed an extermination can do.
Surprisingly, amid all the silliness, there is a plot and the same themes of sexism and conspiracy that are found in Dan Brown’s novel. Donglan, for some reason, is framed for the curator’s murder and his quest to prove his innocence (with a lot of help from the “extremely attractive” French cryptologist, Sophie Nudivue) leads him to Eda Vinci, Leonardo Da Vinci’s more talented, yet virtually unknown sister and whose work he plagiarised. Eda Vinci is thought to have been a member of a secret organisation, the Conspiratus Opi Dei, and had placed clues in her paintings about the great secrets of the C.O.D. Sauna-Lurker may have acquired some of her artwork, and is murdered for it.
Like Dan Brown, Adam Roberts incorporates interesting facts into the narrative, the difference being that Roberts’ facts are exaggeratedly irrelevant – he includes the equation for electrical charge at one point – and unlike Brown, he hilariously sidetracks onto self-indulgent ramblings.
If [Robert Donglan] were to be played by an actor in a motion picture, and I’m not nagging here, just saying, it’s only a suggestion, then maybe a young Harrison Ford, possibly Russel Crowe if he could lose some of the weight. Or that chap in Ocean’s Eleven and Solaris. Not the original Solaris, of course […] You know who I mean, very handsome […] Just as long as it’s not that hideously ubiquitous Tom Hanks...
Red herrings and convoluted clues are thrown into the mix. One of the clues is a series of coughs left by Sauna-Lurker on his friend, Sir Herbert Teabag’s answering machine. Sir Teabag is said to suffer from a condition that causes him to involuntarily lash out at others and is restrained for everyone’s safety while the clue is being deciphered.
‘How many times did he cough?’ asked Robert. ‘Perhaps it is some kind of code. Perhaps a coughing version of morse code. What do you think, Sir Herbert?’
‘Four cough!’ yelled Sir Teabag, excitedly. ‘Let me go! Use odds! Four cough!’
The comedy isn’t confined to the story. It starts early on the title and copyright pages, and the cover itself. Modelled after that of The Da Vinci Code, the cover shows a grave looking cod rather than the shadowy figure among the arches and in place of The Vitruvian Man is a splayed octopus with apprehensive eyes…
Something this fishy begs for a closer look.
The Va Dinci Cod
by A.R.R.R. Roberts (Adam Roberts) writing as Don Brine
Gollancz 2005
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